Day 8...Trying Again

Well, the sugar binge I "enjoyed" this last week has taken a real toll on my body. The scale read 225 lbs. This (Sunday, July 8th) morning...Grrrr...All the fixings for No Bake cookies have been removed from my house and my husband and I are going to do a slightly altered version of the paleo diet for 2 weeks, just to try it out.

Day 8

Morning: Hummus and Pita chips
Afternoon: 2 Stuffed pepper halves (mushrooms, tomatoes, rice, celery, ground turkey, mozzarella cheese)     Grapes
                Hummus and Pita chips
Evening: Hummus and Pita chips, 1/2 Wendy's frosty, 1 serving homemade chocolate banana ice cream. (made with frozen bananas, cocoa, and chocolate syrup).
Activity: 1.5 mile walk and the first workout of a 2 week "Shrink A Size In 14 Days" workout plan I found on Pinterest. I'm interested in seeing if it actually works.

Day 6 and 7...I'm Living A Nightmare.

I don't understand why I can't stop shoveling food into my mouth. I want to be skinny again, but I keep stuffing No Bake cookies into the never ending abyss that is my stomach. I had such high hopes for this week being the week I turned it all around. It's frustrating to look in the mirror knowing that the full batch of No Bake cookies I consumed not only shot my blood sugar through the roof, increasing my chances of developing diabetes, but added to the weight I need to lose.

Day 6

Morning: 2 slices thin crust mushroom pizza, No Bake Cookies

Afternoon: Stuffed bell pepper, No Bake Cookies

Evening: Grilled chicken salad with cheese, sour cream, and guacamole

              1 small flour tortilla with rice and beans, No Bake Cookies

Activity: Spent all day sitting on my butt, writing my final paper.

Day 7

Morning: Fruit smoothie

Afternoon: Celery with peanut butter, grapes, 2 mini tamales

Evening: No Bake cookies, 3 mini tamales, hummus and pita chips

Activity: 7 hours on feet taking portraits, 45 minutes walking around Sam's Club.

I'm going back to a weekly menu. Hopefully, this will help me get back on track.

Day 5, July 5th...Eh...

Yesterday (Thursday, July 5th) was a pretty average day. I spent all day working on homework for  my class that ends today. I ate more sugar than I had hoped to, but I managed to get a swim in with my husband last night.

Brunch: 10 am -12 pm: 4 medium pancakes with syrup and powdered sugar (over the course of 2 hours).
Early Dinner: 4 pm: Stuffed bell peppers: mushrooms, tomatoes, onion, rice, ham, salsa and garlic salt. (these turned out to be more rice than vegetables so I'm definitely going to switch it next time while using chicken or turkey instead of ham. (Ham was all we had.)
Snack/Dessert: No bake cookies. (These things are the bane of my existence!!! I don't know why I crave them so much!)
Activity: 1 hour swim: 70% fun, 30% laps

Yesterday was a high carb, high sugar day and I feel like crap because of it. I find that when I spend most of my day sitting at the table doing homework, I tend to eat more sugar/carbs and "bad for me" foods. Or I just over eat my calories. Today is going to be a much better day. I am going to spend most, if not all, of today writing my final paper, but I'm going to really try to eat healthy and get in a solid workout.

Day 4...Could Have Been Better; Could Have Been Worse

Happy Independence Day!!

Today did not go as well as it could have. I didn't achieve either of the goals I set last night and I'm sure I'll pay for it tomorrow. I weighed myself this morning and I am a whopping 221.4 lbs. I actually think I've lost a few pounds since I started this journey. It's definitely not a number I ever wanted to see again, but I take a little comfort in knowing that I haven't gone back up to 240. And yes, I acknowledge that I ate horribly.

Morning: 1/2 a mini watermelon
                No Bake cookies
Afternoon: 2 slices thin crust mushroom pizza
                  Spaghetti Squash
                  No Bake cookies
Evening: 2 slices thin crust mushroom pizza
               1/2 Chicken nacho salad from Bueno Taco
                No Bake cookies
Activity: 3 hours walking around Six Flags

The No Bake cookies and pizza weren't the best choices. I spent most of the day working on homework before going to Six Flags for the evening with my husband so I didn't get to my workout. My goal for tomorrow is to eat less sugar and do a real workout.

Let's hope I don't pay too dearly for my food choices today!

Day 3...I'm Feeling Better Already!

Today was a good day. I didn't quite achieve my goal of limiting carbs to only one meal. I was so close to making it, but I was craving oatmeal something awful when I got home from work. Today was a better, though.

Morning: 1 small heart healthy buttermilk pancake with I Can't Believe Its Not Butter spread, and a tbs of syrup. (I also had the Andes mint I got after dinner at Olive Garden. That's right! I saved it!)
                1/2 Fruit smoothie (Banana, Plum, Peach, Pineapple, Water)
Afternoon: Baked salmon and vegetables (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, yellow squash)
Evening: The other half of my fruit smoothie from this morning.
               Oatmeal mixed with milk, cocoa, peanut butter, and agave nectar.      
               Spaghetti Squash
Activity: 8 hours on my feet taking senior portraits. (I'm so sore from going up and down a ladder to get just the right shot.)

Okay, I'll admit that the chocolatey-peanut buttery oatmeal goodness wasn't the best choice. (Thank you baby for the nearly impossible to resist cravings.) However, it was organically/naturally sweetened, I had about 8 servings of fruits and vegetables, I spent 8 hours on my feet, and I stayed under 1800 calories. Oh, and I just barely got my 8 glasses of water in.

My goal for tomorrow is to eat 5-6 servings of fruits and vegetables and get a real workout in.
               


             

Day 2...A Work In Progress.

Well, I achieved my goal of no sugar today. Small victory; yay me!
I spent the day taking my grandma to doctor appointments and traveling back to Texas. I was so busy I hardly had time to think about eating. (Never a bad thing).


Morning: At the hospital with Grandma. No time for breakfast. (Not necessarily a good thing. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; it gets you mind and metabolism moving).
Afternoon: Southwestern salad with grilled chicken.
Evening: Water and pretzels on my flight back to Fort Worth. (I said no to the cookies!)
                Oliver Garden Salad (2 plates), Minestrone soup (1 bowl), Chicken and Gnocchi soup minus the Gnocchi (1 bowl), 2 bread sticks.
Activity: Walking through 2 airports.


Today was definitely an improvement, but I still need to work on portion control. My goal for tomorrow is to drink 8 glasses of water and limit carbs to one meal.


Wish me luck!

Day 1...And Already Failing.

Today was supposed to be the day I got my act together. It started out on track then deteriorated as the day progressed.

Morning - Tropical Oatmeal Smoothie.
Afternoon - Turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas.
Afternoon - A "healthy" version of No Bake cookies made with honey instead of sugar. Still a bad choice. (I ate 5)
Evening - 3 cups of Fudge Tracks ice cream in the span of an hour....Yes, I consumed 6 servings of ice cream. Fail. I am as disgusted as you are.
Activity - Very little.

-My sugar intake today is alarming. My goal is no sugar tomorrow.

All journeys have bumps in the road. Although I was hoping for a stronger start, I understand that getting back home to Texas tomorrow will help. We don't have ice cream in our apartment any more because it doesn't last more than a day or two.

Here's to hoping for a better day tomorrow.

The Me I Don't Want To Be

Nov. 2008 -154 lbs.

I have finally reached a point where I can no longer stand to be in the shape I am currently in...Again. I have struggled with my weight and a food addiction all my life. Food and I have a love/hate relationship. It calls to me every minute of every day, like cocaine calls to a drug addict. I was teased mercilessly all throughout school because of my weight. In 2004 I tipped the scale at 240 lbs. I assure you that weight looked wretched on my 5' 3 3/4" body. The family Christmas card we sent out was a painful slap in the face. I decided then and there that I was going to change. I was tired of being the fat girl that people looked past in a crowded room. I wanted to be the thin, beautiful girl that demanded the attention of the room when she entered. I got a gym membership and became obsessed with counting calories. I found a level of self control that I never knew I possessed and lived by the mantra that "Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels." I equated everything I ate to the time I would need to spend on the elliptical burning it off and found myself easily saying no to the chocolate cake and ice cream that I loved so much; it just wasn't worth it to me.

By May of 2008 I had slimmed down to 154 lbs. with a 29 inch waist. (Yes, I lost 90lbs!) My ultimate goal was 135 lbs. (My dad was a linebacker and I inherited his large bone structure. Anything smaller than 135 lbs. would make me look anorexic.) Boys started to notice me; I felt beautiful, strong, and capable. Unfortunately, I experienced a bad break up and, as an emotional eater,  found myself fluctuating between 158 and 172 lbs. and unable to reach my goal. Luckily, in 2009, I joined Air Force ROTC at UNLV and spent most of my time running, working out at the gym, and eating healthily to maintain a weight within standards. According to the Air Force, I needed to be between 119 and 160 lbs. However, I never did get below 156 lbs. again. I experienced a setback when I tore the 3 major ligaments in my right ankle during Physical Training with my Detachment. I was in wheelchair and on crutches for 3 weeks and unable to do any sort of physical activity for 6 weeks.

Nov. 2008 - 154 lbs.

2009 - 165 lbs - I thought I was huge. Part of my addiction is a level of body dismorphic disorder. Even after losing 90lbs I still saw a morbidly obese woman in the mirror.

I lost all control when my grandfather, whom I had a deep bond with, was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer in December of 2010. I left ROTC and moved to Utah in early January 2011 to be his care giver for the last two months of his life. My grandpa passed away in my arms on February 24, 2011 and I found myself in a downward spiral of despair and depression. I turned to food, hoping to fill the gaping, empty hole left by the loss of my hero. While attempting to get back into running and exercising like I had when I was in ROTC, I managed to dislodge the major nerves in both my hips, making it difficult to even walk upright for 4 months.

My husband and I were married March 26, 2012, One month after my grandpa died. - I weighed 185 lbs.

My dream dress on the body of my nightmares.

Our Honeymoon in the Bahamas, April 2011 - 191 lbs.

My husband and I in San Diego September, 2011 - 195-200 lbs.

Murder Mystery Dinner, March 2012 - 205 1bs. - I was so embarrassed and ashamed when I saw these pictures that I deleted them from my facebook when my friend tagged me.

Despite being completely embarrassed and ashamed to the point that I actually avoid people I know so they can't see how much weight I have gained, I still can't seem to get my brain back into the right place to lose the weight again. Ever day I tell myself that this will be the day I start to get back to me, and every night I look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted at the amount of food I consumed and the workout I didn't do because I was too busy sitting on the couch.

My starting point:

Today, July 1, 2012- 221-225+ lbs. (I'm at my grandmothers house because she had a stroke and needed me to spend the weekend taking care of her so I don't have a scale to weigh myself.)

It's pretty safe to say that I need to get a grip. I promised myself that today would be the day I finally got control of myself. The best way to make a change is to be held accountable for your actions. I created this blog as a daily journal for myself. This will be where I express my frustrations, joys, setbacks, and achievements on my journey back to the me I want to be. Back to a size 6/8. Back to running 20 miles a week, being able to do 50 push ups in a minute and 40 sit ups in a minute. Back to my dream of being an Officer in the Air Force. And back to the woman my husband fell in love with.